First post of 2010 - I miss my Mom

Well, it's been since early November of 2009 since I last posted. My Mother died November 29th of Pancreatic Cancer and the following months were/are very hectic to say the least. We're still sifting through all of the things left behind. Here is a picture from last year at the Zoo, she hated this hat but let us take a picture of her anyway.

I haven't had much to say so haven't posted, her death was very hard to handle, I didn't and haven't cried. Why not? I think because I cried enough watching her suffer for so long so when she passed I knew she was pain free and with her Mother and Father in heaven. Her last days were so hard for her I doubt I could have survived it had I gone through it.

For example, the week of Thanksgiving she was in the hospital again. Her feet were swollen purple and her skin was cracking. She was in so much pain she couldn't walk. She wanted very badly to be at home on Thanksgiving and the doctors made the mistake of telling her that if she could walk around the nurses station they would release her. Knowing full well there was no way this woman could get up let alone stand up and walk that far or even a few steps.

My brother and I knew better, she sat up, got onto her feet and with no hesitation walked all the way around the nurses station and then said ok, can I go home now? Imagine the shock on the doctors and nurses faces when they saw this. Pure will power simple as that, you simply did NOT tell her she couldn't do something because she would prove you wrong.

They let her go home and for most of Thanksgiving she was in pain and wasn't able to enjoy the day as much as she would have liked. I had to carry her to the bathroom and from the bathroom because she was unable to walk and you could see she was fighting a lot of pain. The next night we had to call an ambulance to take her to Woodstock Hospice. She was unresponsive when she got to the hospital and we worried for the worst and the nurses prepared us for the worst.

So, the next morning Mom is sitting up clear as can be demanding she be released to go home. We were all shocked, how could she be this clear after the night she had?? The nurses told us this is normal for people about to pass on, I didn't get it, how does somebody look so good if they're about to pass on? People came by to visit and I'm sure some of them thought we were crazy for putting her in Hospice.

That night Ronda and I stayed with Mom and around 9:00pm she went into this strange sleep, very powerful breathing, rapid and scary. By morning she was comepletly unresponsive and never woke up again, she had a few moments where she said our names and you could see she was in there fighting but losing. Her breath started to slow down and then she faded away, I stood there and bent over and whispered to her it was ok to let go, it killed me to say it but I said it. My brother, Ronda and Penny all leaned over to tell her it was ok.

Her breath just got slower and slower until she took what seemed like one breath per minute then nothing. We all said the lords prayer and then stood there silent, unable to say anything. I stood there realizing my Mom had just died not knowing what to do, I felt empty and dead inside myself. I felt alone, I felt like I needed to do something but didn't know what it was, heck it's 8/18/10 and I'm still numb. She had overcome so many battles in her life and suddenly, she is gone... there simply isn't any words to describe how her death has affected us.

I miss her, there was still so many things we all wanted to do with her. I felt/feel I didn't do enough when she was here. Sure I called her daily and there are times I still pick up the phone to call her and suddenly realize she isn't there and won't be there. Ronda and I bought an RV that she would have loved to go camping in, so did Steinar and Penny..... too late for her to enjoy so we think of her every time we take it out. For my Mom's birthday we are hoping to go to the Amana Colonies like we did on almost all of her birthdays the past 6 years.

I still see her, I get a sense that she is around sometimes and I wish I had done more for her and I hope I did enough because she deserved it.

I love and miss you Mom...

Cancer sucks...

My Mom has pancreatic cancer, the one kind of cancer that sucks the life out of you and as we are finding out tests the best of us when it hits us. My Mom is a tough lady though and is making the best of it and teaching us how you handle something like this.

I haven't posted in awhile, the healthcare bill has my family on both sides not equally devided, most are against it but the ones for it are much louder than those against and therefore are heard the most. Kind of how the country goes as well I guess. I have wanted to post but find less and less time for it and less interest as well since those that disagree are the ones who email me the most telling me how insane or ignorant or even stupid I am for what I believe in.

This post, might be the last and then this blog such as it is will die the death many blogs die from and will be deleted from Blogger making many happy I'm sure.

I go now to see to my Mom and to help her have the best days she can before she passes. I pray for her, for my family and our country....

EDIT: To the morons who keep writing me telling me that the movie "Taking Chance" was a Bush propoganda film, please, if you believe that then you need to move in with Mikey Moore, get a life and realize that the military takes loss seriously and the men and women who bring our dead back do that job with respect, honor and do a job you will never be able to understand in your selfish world. Go away.

EDIT: Ok, so I was kidding about not posting anymore, come on, did you really think that calling me names would stop me? Doctor heal thyself!

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Taking Chance - When one falls, another brings him home

I purchased this movie this weekend and watched it with several pauses for wiping away tears. I cannot remember a movie that affected me more than this one has. The acting is top notch, the fact it was made honestly was a shock (great job HBO!). The portrayal of our Marines was reflective of how I know them to be. The portrayal of the people that extended a warm greeting to Kevin Bacon's char actor are exactly how Americans behave, it was refreshing to see considering what Hollywood typically shows.

We live in a world of Micheal Moore documentaries where the truth is in how you edit it, not what really happens. We live in a country where the "open minded and tolerant" are actually only open minded and tolerant if you agree with them. Should you disagree then their anger knows no bounds and if the Miss America pageant is any indication of how a woman gets treated for having an opinion we need to start letting Hollywood know exactly how we feel by not watching their shows/movies.

This movie reminds us all about commitment, bravery, loss, country, community, family and patriotism (a dirty word for some) and should be a must watch in every American school.

Thank you HBO for making this movie.



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Wise Sayings

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1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress. -- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey

9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat

11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan

12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)

16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain

17. Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby's digestive system, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer

22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class... save Congress. -- Mark Twain

23. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Gerald Ford


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Half Boys / Half Men - Our Military

This was sent to me by a friend of my wife, thanks Debbie.

The average age of the military man is 19 years.. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy.. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's, but he has never collected unemployment either.

He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and a 155mm howitzer.

He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.

He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop, or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry.

He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands.

He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay, and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away ' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking.

In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.

He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have women over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so.

As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot. A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets.

'Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us and Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need.. Amen.'

Check out this video "19"

Remembering September 11th 2001

I remember September 11th 2001 like it was yesterday, sadly many in this country have forgotten the lesson learned that day. Fortunately many have not! My prayers go out to the families of those killed that day and God Bless the USA!

Hilberling PT-8000 series of HF/VHF-Transceivers - no more

So, while at Dayton this year I saw a demonstration of this new German Ham radio. The quality was obviously German, through the roof one hell of a well made radio. Cost, between $12,000 and $16,000 so clearly out of my league, for now.


While browsing the web to learn more about properly grounding my shack I chanced upon this note from Hans Hilberling found here -> http://k9zw.wordpress.com/2008/07/24/hilberling-pt-8000-production-canceled/

"Message from Hans Hilberling
I regret to announce today that Hilberling GmbH has cancelled the production of the PT-8000 series of transceivers.I am really sorry that this will cause disappointment on your side. Let me explainbrieflywhat had led to this decision:

Hilberling had to counteract continuously obstacles to meet EU wide requirements. This has forced us multiple times to change the design of this high-end transceiver which often has been in conflict to our design goals. We finally could meet all our design numbers within a few prototypes but we and the numerous suppliers were not able to guarantee these numbers for the line production. Measures that would have to be taken to guarantee the specifications are in no way cost effective.

All this has led to the a.m. decision to put everything on hold.
Hilberling apologises for any inconvenience you had. We deeply appreciated the confidenceyou demonstrated for the PT-8000 series of HF/VHF-Transceivers.

Hans Hilberling July 24, 2008"

While there I picked up a brochure and felt maybe someday down the road it would be nice to see about these radios. Sadly they won't be made. I wonder whats going to happen to the ones I saw? Maybe Hans will use them and now I have a brochure for something that will never be.

To buy or not to buy, that is the question

Ok, pondering if I should buy a new Icom IC-7700 or not. Is this something a lowly Tech like myself can really use? I bought the Icom 746Pro prior to getting my Tech since using it fully required at minimum a Tech license. Here is a snapshot of the awesome 7700.



I figure my goal of being an Extra class licensee by the end of this year is reason enough to upgrade to this radio and use the 746Pro for 2m and for general RX on the bands since the 7700 lacks dual receive. Why not go 7800 or Yaesu 9000? I like the big Yaesu's, don't get me wrong but they are as expensive as the 7700 and 7800. The 7800 is almost twice as much as the 7700 and I already have the 746Pro so can't see spending another 5k for dual receive, ok, there is other things about the 7800 as well but come on, $11,000 to buy one?? WOW!!!

So, the question remains, to buy or not to buy... gut says yes, the Supercharged Mustang GT costing me big money in the garage says no way. The XYL says, sell the Mustang and buy any radio you want, but we both know you can't do both, not at this cost level. She is right, dammit they always are!! So, do I sell the Mustang, that I love and have waited for but costs much more to run that any Ham radio, even an expensive Ham radio?

I'll be honest, this is the place for that right? I love my Mustang, really, that car is something special. However I cannot afford to do to that car to take it to the next level and I won't be happy with it unless I take it to the next level, status quo ain't for me. I think I may just sell the 505hp fast as all hell Mustang GT to up the ante in Ham Radio. I enjoy the technical aspect of radio, it makes me think and frankly makes me feel pretty smart at times. :)

Driving the 505hp Mustang makes one feel powerful, fast and free, when I drive that car it feels like an extension of me. More so than any car I have ever owned BUT I know I can't have both, well, truth be told I could, if I take myself further into debt I could do both but who needs more debt, just not smart right, nope, sure isn't.

So, know anybody who wants a mint condition 2006 505hp Mustang GT? Contact me, we'll discuss price. I'm going to have a drink now, that car has been good to me.