Sunday, April 14, 2019

Life Comes At You, Sometimes Hard

I know I haven't been posting a lot, staying at the same campground every year things stay pretty much the same, the time zips by like the wind. Work keeps me busy, family things, wow, getting older sucks because you see family die, friends die, bloggers I read die. 

The last few years have been rough, my Brothers wife died, Ronda's Mom died last year from Alzheimer's, my best friends Mother has it, my Father has it. A week ago my Brother was rushed to the hospital where he spent a couple of days with no final diagnosis, just a maybe it was a TIA and dehydration, unless something jumps out from a test they know nothing and they don't even bother to show up to your room to tell you which I guess is telling you, 'eh?

I found out this morning that my Dad's wife is in the hospital, they claim she may not make it. He has Alzheimer's and can't care for himself. They moved to the Philippines to save money 4 years ago but apparently made no plans (are you kidding me?!? no will???) for if something happened to either one of them such as dying or ending up unable to care for the other.

What do you do when you receive an email from her family that says, quote – “we can't take care of him, what should I do with him”.... incredibly insensitive like he is a sack of potatoes rotting in the kitchen. I know they don't mean it that way but, that's how it came off to me.

They moved to the Philippines, clear around the planet without keeping an address in the USA so he has no residency here anymore (he is a green card holder) so I can't just spend $3,000 in tickets to pick somebody up that can't make it through customs. All of the money they had in savings has been spent on their care in the Philippines and for trips to the US. My Fathers inheritance of $40,000.00 from his Mother, also gone.

Responding to his wife asking me for help a few months back I went to nursing homes in my area and they gave me a list 5 pages deep of the things that will have to be done before they can do anything. I sent that to the Philippines and have heard nothing back until I got this latest email earlier today. I also talked to the Norwegian Consulate and his advice, get Immigration and Medicare attorneys. With what money, I have no clue and I have not heard back from her except for the email from her Niece this morning who from previous emails had been pressuring his wife to get rid of him so she could relax and write a book, nice 'eh?

So his wife is very ill, he is incapable of caring for himself and is on the other side of the planet in the care of hired caretakers and family that has no wish to keep doing so even though her retirement pension would cover the cost, I have zero idea legally what my options are since they are in the Philippines.

I'm not looking for a way out, the door was slammed in my face when they moved around the globe and made no plans, I mean seriously zero plans for their future. She has a full retirement pension, they are married so isn’t she supposed to have a will or something that states what is supposed to happen to help care for her husband? I'm blown away by this and her Nieces email, black white, cut and dry “What should I do with him”……

Life comes at you hard is how I titled this, my Father was the boogyman for the first 18 years of my life until the day I walked up to him, stared him in the face as he was threatening to kick my ass once again that on that day, if I wanted to I could beat his ass into the concrete and he knew it. I walked away from him and our business together until 1993 when we both sat down and I forgave him for the past.

Through the years since we had grown close, I ignored him when he discussed the past in revisionist fashion, his way of coping with it. When needed I reminded him, because at that moment he needed reminding, something I hated to do but he doesn't get to dictate his sins with new twists and turns that took blame away from him, why did he feel the need to open his mouth and do that, I don't know but we stayed close even still, you only get one Father. 

Fast forward to 2019 and he is alone and apparently with people who have no wish for him to be there. Tomorrow I'm going to make some calls and try to reach out to family in Norway where his brother still lives and find out if any of them are willing to help out for the first time since he moved away in 1964, what are the odds I'll be able to reach anybody.....

After that, I have no clue, I'm sure by the morning I'll have a new email to absorb, hopefully it has usable information other than what do I do with him.


Steinar Andersen said...

I just don't get it. Why is it always the worst case scenario with us?

I've done some extensive research, and it appears only the Norwegian government can intervene. So, we need to get the address of where he lives and where his wife is presently receiving care. And her niece needs to forward to us the living will/power of attorney. Right now as it stands, it doesn't matter if we even show up there.... his green card is null & void at this point and he won't get past customs (without a re-entry permit). If he didn't obtain a Reentry Permit prior to returning to the Philippines & stayed outside the United States for more than one year - the USCIS may determine that he has abandoned his permanent or conditional residence status.

As far as I know, he gets a small monthly pension/stipend from Norway. I don't know if he receives Social Security retirement. We can't ask him as he is too far gone mentally. And it appears his wife's niece is now managing issues there (and it is obvious he is thought of as a burden).

Here is a link to the Norwegian ex-pat community in the Philippines (there are links to Norwegians already living there via facebook). Once we get the his address and the name of the hospital she is in, we can reach out to a few of these people.

Here is the FB link to the Norwegian Embassy in the Philippines. Maybe they can intercede and at least, bring him back to Norway for the care he needs.

I just sent them an email (and I just carbon copied you in that email). It will be helpful to know his present address and which Hospital his wife is in.

In the interim, I can only say "Uff-da" and Oy Vey.

Phyllis said...

Oh my....... you do have a dilemma. Let's us all know how important it is to keep our financial affairs in order and make decisions while we still can. I have seen too many times where these important steps are put off. We have up to date wills and his kids and my kids have copies plus information on what we want done, who to contact and info on financials.
Burial plots already paid for.

I have no idea on what steps need to be taken in your case. All I can say is work through it in a manner that causes the least stress on YOU.

Erik's RV Blog said...


Thank you, I wish they had done the same thing, I was sure they had, they told me they did but family up there says no. To date I have received nothing from them to help.